Initially, when I first planned this book, I was thinking that the happiness chapter should be one of the last chapters, as it was the result of applying the funky success process. So if you gave you time and energy and followed the thinking, visualising, planning and acting you would have to achieve your personal happiness. I however decided to do a bit of reverse engineering and start with the end in mind. Isn’t that what life is all about? You might have a different answer, but let’s agree that it wouldn’t heart for somebody to be happy, or at least more time happy then not. A good understanding of the objective in our case happiness will help us make more sense of the Funky Success processes.
First let’s recap what we know so far about the happiness. Here are the elements I want to cover in this chapter:
- The myth of money and happiness
- Positive psychology
- The importance of the Flow
- The importance of being the boss
- The importance of now
- Smile & be happy
The myth of money and happiness
First let’s get clear about the relation of money and happiness. Doesn’t money bring you happiness or does it? The real answer is it actually does, but only to a certain point. Basically, if you are starving and haven’t eaten in a while, being able to afford something to eat will make you happier, in fact you might become the happiest person on the planet at the moment. Same thing goes if you are extremely tired and lived on the street, having the means to spend a comfortable night in a hotel will be the best thing that ever happens to you. Research has proven many times over that an increased of income but only of to a maximum level of $10, 000, will increase your overall level of happiness. This level is basically the minimum required to live by having enough to eat, clothing and roof on your head. (This in fact in what my uncle constantly repeated what is needed for a man). Those are also what Maslow would define as the first elements of his human need pyramid. Therefore I believe, for all those people that leave above those levels, should consider to help the other ones, only to make them more happy and make themselves more happy as well.
So if money can only bring happiness up to a certain level, why does almost everyone I ask, want to become rich. Not only rich, but in fact fitly rich. They want to be able to buy virtually anything. I think there is nothing wrong with money, it’s neither good nor bad, and it’s in fact just another tool. If you are building a house, you can talk about a specific tool, let’s say the hammer, but it definitely shouldn’t be your main focus. First, you need to understand that in almost any complex project, you will need more then one tool, not to mention that you will require the greatest of all tools, the human element. The other thing, shouldn’t your main focus be on what you want to achieve with those tools. It is interesting to observe that for smart entrepreneurs, being short money, comes to their advantage, as they simply need to find other tools to achieve their goals. The results are what is important. Some tools are better then other, but at the end they are only tools. On the other side of the coin, you may have big companies throwing money (and more often then not only money) on a specific issues, without really resolving that problem, but only to make it worse. So if it’s not about the money, what makes you happy then?
Positive psychology
If psychology studies people’s behaviour, based on people that are already sick. It is only currently that Selligman start studying successful and happy people. Which for me make perfectly sense, if your goal is to achieve success isn’t it better to look at healthy and successful people instead of the troubled. This is what is called positive psychology.
One of the main ingredients is the power of your contribution. Real success is about making a difference. It doesn’t have to be saving the planet, you only need to make an impact in someone else life. You actions need to be genuine.
Synthetic happiness
When Dan Gilbert presented 2 pictures and asked the audience who is the happiest a month after the actual event between a guy that won the lottery and someone that had a terrible car accident and is unable to walk? The answer to almost everyone was pretty straightforward. It must be the millionaire. The real answer however, research had proven, it is neither one nor the other as they are actually both on the same level of happiness. Our amazing body and mind is so powerful, that it can adapt to anything and making sense of a new reality. Dan Gilbert presents a concept called synthetic happiness. Basically what it means is the what you might think and experience using the frontal lob of the brain, is not similar to experience in reality, it is exactly the same thing. There is no difference. The only thing is what you are able to visualise, the quality of your thoughts. Indeed you thoughts, the ways you perceive things can never be taken from you, even in extreme conditions such a concentration camp as Victor Frank has proven.
NOTE: thinking is part of the Funky Success process, and more information is available in that chapter.
The importance of the Flow
The flow is M. Csiksentmihaly answer to happiness. One of his example is when an artist is fully focus on composing a piece he enters a state of ecstasy where nothing outside matters. These are moments where you are completely in the now, you are completely focus and everything is doable for you as you become the only and only master. I remember my brother once saying, who is himself a jazz musician, that you automatically now when a composer plays by vocation. He kept emphasizing how important it is for creation.
Having somehow understood the flow, I always try to achieve whenever I’m working. However I notice that it is not automatic, and some element needs to be in place. One of theme, is to remove all possible distractions. Will that be the phone, the music and especially the internet. As beautiful and intersing browser can be, it is crucial to turn it off. In this process of creation it should be only you and your instrument, only you and the word processing document….No interference. It is not surprising then to learn that the many of the greatest classic composers worked in the silence of the night, when everyone was sleeping. Quick work about hours, waking up and going to sleep. There is an expression that says the world belongs to those that wake up in the morning. Maybe, but YOUR world belongs to you and only to you, therefore you are the master of your time, and nobody should dictate how to organize it.
Another useful tip, that help me achieving the flow, is to have a special dedicated place where you can submerge yourself in the process of creation. Personally, I have a special room where I work. This room have become my sanctuary, with only positive connotations. In order to maintain this zen-like way I need to carefully select the people that can enter, the objects that are in places, the energy level…and make it in such a way that it is stimulating and inviting to work and especially to begin your work. What is really important, is to create an environment for you to be motivated to start your work, but once in it you should be directed by the flow.
“Reality is only an illusion. Albeit a very persistent one” Einstein
I strongly believe that being in this alternate reality , in this ecstasy state, will help you to put yourself in the most productive and creative state. Therefore it will help you create the best work in that time period (not the time matters in the flow).
The importance of being the boss
“Put your future in good hands, you own”
There is only way to live, and this is by your own standard. If you will not take responsibility to create the life of your dreams, somebody else will and I can guarantee it won’t be the life you imagined. You will be most likely stock in a busy transportation for a couple hours, then spend almost the whole day doing tasks that you are told, and that bring small value to your life, then to finally come home and be too tired to spend good time with family and close one. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not against work, or the system, I just want to show you that there is another way, there is always another path to follow. However in order to become unconvential and obtain funky success, you need to become the boss. Nobody else will do it for, as they (the system, your employer, your colleagues…) are satisfied that way it is now, the way you perfectly fit in the puzzle and how you are created to realize their goals. When I say the boss, you should only be the boss of yourself, meaning the boss of your thoughts, visions, dreamlines and actions. As for your muses and business, the ideal position is neither be the employee nor the employer , but the owner who may look at the system that he created, can influence but is not involved on a daily basis.
There are too many people that always blame someone or a situation. That’s ok if that’s what they choose, but it more often then not brings that feeling of being hopeless, because you are being controlled instead of controlling. However, if you want to go forward, the best attitude to take is to you say to oneself: “I’m the boss. I’m fully responsible for the situation I’m in. What can I do to change it? ”. This sort of mentality will move you forward, as you will always look for new solution and you will become happier as you will be in control of your life. There is in fact no greater feeling, then to convince yourself that you are the boss of any situation. Of course, this approach is a bit more challenging when you are stuck in really difficult situation, but always remember that “with greater power comes great responsibility”. You will be tested and you might fail, but this is the whole beauty, whatever outcome you will produce, you will gain in experiences. You will then know, that in this specific situation, with those variables, applying this action will create this results. The more you will practice to be the boss of a situation and take direct action, the more experience you have and the more likely the results will be the way you plan. This will involve going outside your confort box and might first appear as associated with bad emotion, but the more you will do it, the more it will become associated with excitement and funky success.
The secret power of time
In this section I want to show you how Philip Zimbardo explains us that there is an optimal way to use our past, present and future thought. He claims that there have been a dilemma since Adam’s apple temptation to adapt the present focus, being impulsive or being future focus with a more resisting and reflective approach. Now or later?
The Mashmalow experiment is a now famous experiment done on 4 years old children. It consisted of giving the kid a Mashmalow and give him/her the choice between having it now or waiting until they get back so they can have another one. The results showed that 2/3 of the participants decided not to wait and have the first treat, and only the remaining third decided to resist temptation and wait for the second one.
Further studies come to explain the difference with the minority kids that resisted. It revealed that on average those kids were better students (scored 250 points higher on their SAT’s), got less in trouble and more importantly they were future focus instead of present focus.
Philip Zimbardo defines Time Perspective as “the study of how individuals divide the flow of human experience into different time frames or time zones- automatically and non-consciously“. Those time frames vary between different cultures, social classes, nations and people and might become problematic when some are underused and other overused.
Every decision is on the idea of taking an action. For some the decision time frame will be based on the present with what is going now and only the immediate situation and stimulation will be relevant. For others, their decision will be based on past memories. But finally for some the time zone will be in the future, by anticipating conequences and doing a benefit analysis.
This is the time paradox, that you are making constant time decision that you are unware of.
Philip claims that their are 6 time perspective factors
- Past time perspective where you focus on the positives
- Past time perspective where you focus on the negatives
- Present time perspective where you focus on the positives – hedonism
- Present time perspective where you focus on the negatives – fatalism
- Future time perspective where your focus on life goals
- Future time perspective where your focus on the transcendental and life after death
The optimal temporal mix is about having the ability to fluidly change from one time perspective to an other depending on the given situations.
He also give an the optimal temporatl mix profile:
- Past-Positive – High – gives you roots to connect to your identity & Family and be grounded
- Future – Moderate High – give you the vision and wings to get to a new destination
- Present Hedonism – Moderate – gives you the energy to explore people, places and self
The people always in the future and only focusing on one aim will eventually sacrifice things such as their most valuable asset time will it be with Family, friends or they will only live for work, achievement and control. On the orther extreme they might live a ll their life sleeping or enjoying personal indulgences.
We need to conclude that happiness will come in being able to balance time perspective. Yes you need to focus on the future but you also need to live and enjoy the present. A proper use of time perspective will not only help in your personal success but may also be applied to different world problems including diminishing drop out rate and addictions, enhancing the physical and psychology health of teens and improving family life.
This time perspective may be a really simple notion but the consequences can be really profound.
The importance of now
Now is the only tense the counts, the only one that really exists. Therefore the more you practise the more you will be able to live in it.
Smile & be happy
Do your smile because you are happy, or your happy because smile? Actually what is really intriguing, is that both of the case are true. Meaning that, you are likely to smile when you are happy, even tough it’s not always the case, but you can also force yourself to become happier just by moving your face muscle. There are indeed many different muscles that need to work together in order to produce a real smile. This a taken from a NLP concept (please read the NLP chapter for more) that says that you need to change your state you need to change you physiology. I you are sad, and you face look down and shoulders drop, you can change your emotions just by sitting straight and put your face up. The more I read about it, the more I believe in a hollisictic approach to medicine and healing. Everything is related. Your body has an impact on your thoughts and emotions, just as what you might think will affect how you might act.